


Without You

by Shaunarnia



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt Glenn Rhee, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 07:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12766149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaunarnia/pseuds/Shaunarnia
Summary: It's been months since the events of that night, but Glenn is still learning to cope.





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Based before the events of season 7!
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, brief mentions of gore/violence?

> _I’d be lying if I said I was doing well. I keep telling everybody I’m fine, but it’s a lie. I don’t think anybody feels brave enough to call me out on it, but I’ll keep up the act. I keep trying not to think about her too much because I know it’ll upset me, but I need to write this down.  
> _
> 
> _A little over two years ago, I fell and I fell hard. That’s how it is with feelings. You have no control over how fast they grow once you begin to develop this stupid crush on someone. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself “No. Stop. This will hurt. Nobody is looking for love in a world like this.” But the more you try ignoring those feelings, the worse they get._
> 
> _Yeah, I’m talking about (Y/N)._

Glenn chokes back tears as he scribbles down his thoughts and feelings in his tattered journal. In fact, it was you who had given him this journal. It still contains notes from you, fond mementos that he tends to turn to in his darkest days, and he’s had way too many of those for his liking in recent weeks.

It’s been months, and he still hasn’t began to heal from the events of  _ **that**_  night. He sighs heavily, needing to put down the pen and book for a moment to try to compose himself. Burying his face in his hands, he dwells on memories of you, desperately attempting to cancel out the most prominent and recent one, the one that’s too vivid for him to forget…

No, he doesn’t want to think about that. Not right now. Instead, he begins to think of fonder memories. He pictures your face, your smile, even still hears your laugh. Then, he takes the journal and pen in his hands again, rests it in his lap, and continues to write.

> _We met when I was on a supply run. I remember it just like yesterday. She was alone and scared and she didn’t know where she was going. It was probably stupid now that I think about it, but I stayed with her. I stayed with her, talked to her, listened to her while she poured her heart out to me. She could have killed me. She could have been someone bad, but I took the risk. I’m glad I did. I’m glad I brought her back with me. I’m glad Rick eventually agreed to her staying with us._
> 
> _I got to know her over the week, months, and years and I fell for her. I fell and I couldn’t stop myself. She was the last bright thing in this fucked up world that kept me going each day. All she had to do was smile and I was gone. Now everything is just so…dark._

Glenn’s hands begin to tremble, sobs wracking him as he clutches the pen in his hands and damn near snaps it in half. Vivid memories play back in his mind, despite his wishes. He can’t unsee the things he’d seen that night, and god, has he tried to. He’s tried to repress it all, find another way of coping with it all, but nothing has been effective. Even now, he’s trying not to think about it whatsoever, but…

* * *

“Glenn, I’m sure this is a good way out! They won’t have made it around this side yet!”

You whisper-yell to him whilst moving the makeshift barricade that leans against the back entrance to the hardware store you’re both in. Some noise can’t be helped, but you both aim to remain as quiet as possible while you make a clear exit for yourselves.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a ladder just outside. We can make it to the roof from there, wait for the herd to pass by, then we’ll head back.”

Glenn’s confident in this plan, and you fully agree with him. You don’t know for sure whether you’ll be in the clear or not when you make it outside, so you both know that you have to move fast.

“Okay, on my signal.”

You glance back at Glenn, weapon at the ready as you prepare to rush out of the door. It takes the two of you to open it, but when it does swing open, you move, fast. Half a dozen walkers lurk near you both, and you take them all out, not wanting to leave yourselves open to any risks.

“It’s this way, come on!”

Glenn leads the way with you following on behind him, and neither of you slow up, desperate to reach the rooftop access ladder as quick as you can. You take in your surroundings, remaining vigilant for any incoming walkers, and you aren’t surprised to find that the herd is already beginning to find its way to you. There’s a chainlink fence surrounding the back of the building, and the herd stands on the other side of it, but it isn’t very sturdy. You aren’t sure how much longer it will hold for.

Together, you and Glenn fend off more walkers, and it only slows you up. The herd pushes against the fence, and before you two can reach the ladder, the fence caves in, and the herd begins to rush at you.

“Shit, we need to move, now!”

You yell to Glenn, continuing to race forward to the ladder. You reach the foot of the ladder, only to find that the bottom has broken off, meaning it’s a fair jump for either of you to start climbing up. Now, you realise that one of you will need a boost up, meaning that the other will be staying down on the ground.

“Here, let me boost you up!”

Glenn gets ready, but you shake your head at him. Instead, you cup your hands and crouch slightly, gesturing for him to be the one to get boosted up. Glenn frowns and shakes his head, protesting.

“No, no, you have the boost!” you tell him, firmly, “Just pull me up afterwards! I’m not leaving you behind!”

Glenn frowns and begins to object, but he knows that he won’t gain anything from arguing with you about this. He nods, knowing that he should still be able to hang down and pull you up with him, no problem. He gives in, letting you have your own way, and you boost him up.

Glenn clings onto the ladder, hanging down as far as he can to extend a hand out to you to grab. You jump, but you’re not quick enough. Your fingertips brush against Glenn’s, but walkers close in on you, taking you from behind. One sinks its teeth into your neck, another going for your arm, tearing flesh from bone as you scream in sheer agony.

“Oh my god,  _ **no**_!”

Glenn screams, tears already welling up in his eyes. He knows he should look away, but he can’t. He’s practically paralysed, frozen in place, unable to tear his eyes away from the scene unravelling in front of him. He looks on, watching your skin being eaten away, your innards being pulled out, all up until you’re completely lifeless and being made a feast of by the walkers.

* * *

He blames himself. He did back then, and he still does, even now. It’s fucked up, but he wishes it were him instead of you that day, as opposed to neither of you dying at all. He wasn’t quick enough to take your hand, wasn’t quick enough to persuade you that you should have gotten the boost instead. As far as he’s concerned, he lost the best thing that ever happened to him, and nobody else is to blame.

Tears drip onto the journal page, causing the ink to run. Glenn rubs under his eyes, a little too late, and he shakes his head, attempting to compose himself. It hurts. It still hurts, and it will for a very long time. He regains his grip on the pen, bringing it back to his journal page, and he writes down his final part of the entry.

> _Most days I don’t feel like I can go on anymore. It’s difficult. It’s so difficult but I don’t have anyone else to blame. But I have to keep going. I have to make it through all this. And I need to do it for her. Everything I do, I’ll do it all for her._


End file.
